Lucky penny

I am feeling... uninspired.
I want to walk down to the water and bask in the sun. Its still a cold wind and I can see snow tipped mountains in the distance, but I want to celebrate the absence of the rain and the grey clouds today.
I am feeling... benevolent.
*I wont comment on the fact that Benjamin taught me what that word means yesterday*
I want to know that I will know what to do when the time comes.
sometimes I throw myself too violently onto the couch or into the car and I feel a sharp pain and wonder if I have caused harm. and it scares me to remember how fragile life is.
I am feeling... willowtrees.
I know thats not one word. but its how i feel.
I want to go take a thousand pictures of a leaf, and the ocean floor. I want a goldfish in a glass jar with rainbow pebbles and a little shrub. I want to name it something human like Gracie or Edwin. or maybe Finn.
I am feeling... restless.
I want to have a picnic. and sit on a huge blanket munching on pea-pods and havarti and biscuits. sipping iced tea out of a thermos and telling stories about the clouds. as they pass over our heads. I love that I have strong memories about a hammock and laughing in the grass.
I want to read about everything, and fill my mind with dreams and art and patchwork teddy bears.
I get to love
I get to be loved.
and it makes me feel... arms outstretched at sunrise.