swimwear

I remember when the thing i wanted THE most was a red swimsuit with a zipper down the front.

oh the early 90's...

a slice of peace-ah

Tonight Ben had a buddy over to watch their secret addiction 'Deadwood' and he was wonderful and let me have a chance to go for a walk all on my own! (without the pea)

I didnt know what exactly to do with myself at first, but then I headed for the beach.
i found I wasnt alone in that plan and stumbled upon a group of "herb" using hippies. so I ventured on.

The sun was setting so i sat down on the grass in a little park near the water and started to pray.
I became aware of more and more sounds and voices around me as the time went on. And looking around I saw what was probably about 12 couples all snuggled up on picnic blankets takin in the sunset with their loved ones in their arms.

When I get angsty and pent up feeling about my location.. being here in Vancouver with sparse friends and zero family, I think its wise for me to go watch the sunset.
Ben chose the perfect place for me. for us. and I am so proud to be a part of his life and his future,
and that means that my future (for the meantime anywho) is right here.

summer breeze

there is something amazing about waking up to a brilliantly sunny, early summer morning.
maybe its my mental connection with camp, camping and working outdoors.

Lets face it, I am sure everyone must feel a tad bit like crawling back under the covers and hiding, when the winter has gone on so---long---- that you feel like it will always be dark when your alarm goes off, and no amount of layering will protect you from the wind.
But when you wake up; and before you have even opened your eyes you feel the sunbeams on your face and hear the birds and smell the summer air, the air thats still cool from the nighttime but getting hotter and hotter by the minute.. mmm thats wondrous.
and it makes me want kool aid and tan lines.

I <3 my husband Benjamin

Lately things in my new family have been a little strained. new arrival of the pea was expected, yet somehow still a surprise.
then the matter of the drama my body while 'recovering' went through, which was unexpected and very surprising.
Naturally i expect myself to heal quicker then superman.. evidently this isn't the case.

2 days ago some.. sorting out of the new parent roles was needed. some guidance for both of us. Eli is now 6 weeks old and its been a long, hard go of it. now that things are easing into a bit of a habit and or routine, its time we figure things out rationally as opposed to "oh my gosh shes crying again WHAT DO WE DO?!?!?!"

the 'couple' in us seemed to get lost amid the dirty diapers, formula and mood swings.
So a few days ago, Benjamin and I attended a Canadians baseball game. (anyone who knows me knows that sports of any kind aren't exactly my shtick, however i love my husband and he has been extremely patient with the crying, erratic behavior and life changes) Unfortunately we both got sunburned.. badly. really badly. but it was worth it to experience a family outing providing us both with some inner peace.
then yesterday we decided to take a trip to Granville Island. After shopping around and getting some AMAZING boccocini salad we decided to head home via scenic route. Its a wonderful stroll along the kitsilano beach and little wooded trails with blackberry bushes and gorgeous shoreline. not entirely stroller friendly, but beautiful none the less.
We got home, had a great dinner and then took another trip down to the ocean to watch the sunset. We laughed, smooched, cuddled and teased one another. and quietly sat ensconced in the sunset and the company of our spouse.

All this time i have been torturing my brain with thoughts about how before i was pregnant my relationship with Ben was perfect. we played catch, went for drives, sat in parks and chased each other, lounged in hammocks and read together in bed, and it was pure bliss. why did i have to wreck it?
These thoughts are dead wrong. Ben and I will always be the perfect we were before. we simply have to remember to remember.